letter from the maintenance crew.
Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 10:38PM Goldie,
Your toiled is unclogged. We pulled out a straw and hair from the toilet. Please keep the toilet lid closed so nothing falls inside. Next time we have to bill you from when it's tenant neglect. Call me if you have any questions.
Thanks,
Management
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The back story:
It wasn't just any straw. It was a Slurpee straw. A large cherry/pina colada Slurpee which necessitated a long straw to be exact. I was washing my hands when I knocked the Slurpee in the toilet. I retrieved the cup, but flushed the straw without thinking.
Before you ask - It's none of your business why I had a Slurpee in the bathroom. Also - No. I did not get pee hands from getting the cup out of the potty. This is because I piss excellence, not urine.
Lorelai+I have had to refrain from #1 and #2 while things were backed up until the maintenance folks could get here.
In the mean time, I tried to resolve the issue. But, yet another problem... I didn't have my plunger. My sister did. WHO BORROWS PLUNGERS?! Sisters do.
I had to go buy one. Found a little, cute one at Target (where Lorelai+I also went to the bathroom since we couldn't go at home). I opted for a smaller one cus plungers are ugly, so I could stash it away under the sink.
Got home. Removed label. Stuck plunger in+began pumping with the fervor+hope that comes from knowing that you will be able to your regularly scheduled "programs" once the water gets back to it's normal level. No dice. Looked at plunger. Looked at label. "Sink plunger." Washed hands+smacked head. D'OH! It was small+cute cus it's for a flipping sink.
I went to the drugstore up the street+found a regular, big, ugly plunger for $6.99. There was only one. It was big. It was ugly. It was cheap. Like most things that aren't toys, it became a toy with Lorelai on our walk home. The glances I got from letting my kid play with a plunger were priceless.
Got home. Removed label which read 'PLUNGER'. Stuck it in+began pumping with more fervor+more hope. Apparently too much fervor+hope for the cheap plunger cus the rubber plunging part flipped up+flicked toilet water all over me. Not one of my shining moments. Yet+still, the water level didn't return to normal.
I knew I needed back up+that's when I got the maintenance folks involved.
Now, lemme tell you. I pride myself on being able to fix stuff. I put stuff together. I take stuff apart. I own tools. I build fine Swedish furnishings (from Ikea). I've fixed garbage disposals. I've replaced the ball+cock (THAT'S WHAT IT'S REALLY CALLED. Don't look it up. You'll end up on a p0rn site) for my potty. I've unclogged sinks+toilets. Needless to say, it was a hard conversation to have.
"Hey. I ... need you to fix a clog ... in my toilet."
This must be what it feels like for men to go to the doctor+ask for Viagra.
While I made sure we didn't go potty, what if there was some ... stuff ... lurking. I mean, you never know. I made sure I wasn't home when they fixed it. Cus. Ya know. The poop-probability was too much for me to handle.
They fixed my toilet. Left a kind, yet all-knowing, note. All is well in the world.
Reader Comments (3)
OH this made me laugh...soooo hard. Poor Goldie lol
As always, glad to make you laugh. <3
dude! i love! freag'n hilarious!