nature's ruching.

Was sitting around with my solemate (on account of the fact that she 'lends' me a bunch of her shoes+they just don't/won't make it back to her) talking about our bodies CUS WE'RE GIRLS+THAT'S WHAT WE DOOOOOOO. We've both had kids+...we both bear the signs of having kids:

stretchmarks

Her's are quite dainty+light. Like, she had to pulllllll on her stomach+point out the miniscule stripes around her belly button+I had to get closer+kind of squint. Me?

Well, the convo went a little like this:

Me: THOSE are your stretchmarks?!?!! *lifts shirt* These are mine.

Her: Oh.

Me: Ruching hides body flaws well tho...

Her: Stretchmarks are like natures ruching.

Then we laughed+laughed.

Historically, I've justify that stretchmarks are my personal badge of honor cus I carried around+pushed out a NINE POUND SIX OUNCE HUMAN BEING out of my lovehole.

I used to be worried that, as a single mom, future guys would be grossed out by them. What, with an ex who referred to stretchmarks as 'roast beef stomach' +all. Up until R, I wouldn't really let guys touch my stomach. It was really inhibiting. It's hard to bump bellies without... bumping bellies, ya dig?

Sometimes I just don't care.

But I'm vain as fuck. Who am I kidding? I spent too much time trying to mold myself into the person someone else wanted me to be that I wouldn't let myself look how I wanted to look. I'm over that. It's WAY more fun to dress how I want to dress+be happy about how I look (most of the time) for me not to make an effort to do it+appreciate my own fucking face+hair+body+clothes+etc. Like. Fuck yes, vanity.

But there's some things I can't control.

Like the stretchmarks.

I've gained/lost weight+they're still there. I've done crunches+they're still there. I rubbed tanning lotion on my body to give the illusion that they weren't there+they were still there+then I had tanning lotion all over my hands+clothes. Like, they just won't go away.

Sometimes it bums me out.

ESPECIALLY when I see other mom's with banging ass bodies.

Like. How?

<:(

I just saw a picture of a mom w/two kids in a bikini+it literally made me pout+a dusty ass tear came out of my right eyeball.

I haven't worn a swimsuit in about 15 years. Mostly cus of body insecurities. I want to wear a bikini some day. I wanna look more like Princess Leia+less like Jabba The Hut.

There's not really a resolution here. Just pouting+a funny picture, really. Also, maybe a plea for reader-funded plastic surgery.

Comments

[ninjagaiden78]

Goldie,

Thats just life. I am also a bit self conscious about my body and know that although I would like to stuff my face with cookies/doughnuts/etc all the time, I know I cannot.
Just keep at it, but don't beat yourself up about it. You are a pretty woman who is funny and (possibly) cool.

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