lulu look at my ass.

Have you heard of LuLuLemon? It's a workout clothing company.

There's one in town. I walk by, but never go in .I just can't seem to make work-out-specific clothes make sense.

SWEATS ARE SO MULTIFUNCTIONAL! You know those sweats you bought 6 years ago that are too small now? Not they're sexy lil house pants that you can sloppily seduce your lover with while you re-heat 2-day-old leftovers+drink wine that's been aerated cus you forgot to put the top back on last night. You know those sweats your partner has? They're your period pants when said partner doesn't notice. You know those sweats your ex left at your house before ya'll broke up? They're kindling for a fire. As far as tops - gimme a racerback tank any day! You can wear it to the gym+then wash your pits in the bathroom sink+roll out onto the streets+then take your bra off at the end of the day+you have instant pajamas. Or maybe I'm the only one that does these things.

Also, $$. I looked online. A pair of pants+a top will run you $100. That's from the sale section...

And then there's the fact that I've only done yoga once.

I mean, folks are into the clothes or the company wouldn't be in business. I'm sure the quality is superb+that they've got awesome customer service+that they take care of their employees. I haven't checked Yelp, but that's probably the case. Lululemon has made it. That's awesome for them. Really.

All of that aside, on the list of Last Things I Want To See On Any Given Day is: fit women in yoga clothes. And whadya know... at the store last night, I spotted one. She was right beside me in line.

Between quickly scarfing down the double-serving of cheese+cracker samples that I had Lorelai get for me from the cheese section+trying to simultaneously suck my stomach in+also trying to come across as flippantly confident, I'm pretty sure I was exuding sheer+utter core strength. My Downward Dog confidence was in full  force. Bikram+Vinyasa ain't got shit on me when I'm feeling like crap!

Really tho... She was all:

And I was all: [imagine me looking all frumpy with cheese+crackers stuffed in my cheek+my stomach sucked in underneath all of my layers of non-form-fitting clothes+Lorelai standing next to me wondering why I was being all weird+staring at the lady next to me in such a salty way.]

The lady next to me didn't care.

I did. Obviously.

Or I wouldn't have noticed that she looked disheveled but totally hawt. She seemed to be lacking the guile to have planned her perfectly mussed hair+dewy glow. It's just how it she rolled after yoga or whatever. Then I looked at her butt when she turned around (you would have too. duh.) +it was pert+firm+there it was... the freaking Lululemon logo staring back at me.

KHAAAAAAN!

I gotta get back in shape, man. I don't think I'll buy workout clothes, but I wanna be in shape in such a way that I can almost justify needing special clothes for all the flexible+strong things that I do at the gym. Until that day. I should also prolly work on my self-confidence. Cus who cares who wears what at the grocery store? Heh. I DO!

So. Yes. Gym. But not tonight tho... I have some beer at home that I gotta finish so that I'm not tempted by it when I for real get serious about working out.

ps. Had this convo w/Rhasaan while writing this:

R: Whatcha doing?

Me: Writing.

R: About what?

Me: Yoga pants.

R: Nice!

Me: *shoots eyeball daggers*

R: What?! You look nice in yoga pants!

Me: I DON'T HAVE ANY YOGA PANTS! I have SWEATS!

R: ...

let's go fly a kite.

I love flying kites. I got my posse to roll with me this time.

nature's ruching.

Was sitting around with my solemate (on account of the fact that she 'lends' me a bunch of her shoes+they just don't/won't make it back to her) talking about our bodies CUS WE'RE GIRLS+THAT'S WHAT WE DOOOOOOO. We've both had kids+...we both bear the signs of having kids:

stretchmarks

Her's are quite dainty+light. Like, she had to pulllllll on her stomach+point out the miniscule stripes around her belly button+I had to get closer+kind of squint. Me?

Well, the convo went a little like this:

Me: THOSE are your stretchmarks?!?!! *lifts shirt* These are mine.

Her: Oh.

Me: Ruching hides body flaws well tho...

Her: Stretchmarks are like natures ruching.

Then we laughed+laughed.

Historically, I've justify that stretchmarks are my personal badge of honor cus I carried around+pushed out a NINE POUND SIX OUNCE HUMAN BEING out of my lovehole.

I used to be worried that, as a single mom, future guys would be grossed out by them. What, with an ex who referred to stretchmarks as 'roast beef stomach' +all. Up until R, I wouldn't really let guys touch my stomach. It was really inhibiting. It's hard to bump bellies without... bumping bellies, ya dig?

Sometimes I just don't care.

But I'm vain as fuck. Who am I kidding? I spent too much time trying to mold myself into the person someone else wanted me to be that I wouldn't let myself look how I wanted to look. I'm over that. It's WAY more fun to dress how I want to dress+be happy about how I look (most of the time) for me not to make an effort to do it+appreciate my own fucking face+hair+body+clothes+etc. Like. Fuck yes, vanity.

But there's some things I can't control.

Like the stretchmarks.

I've gained/lost weight+they're still there. I've done crunches+they're still there. I rubbed tanning lotion on my body to give the illusion that they weren't there+they were still there+then I had tanning lotion all over my hands+clothes. Like, they just won't go away.

Sometimes it bums me out.

ESPECIALLY when I see other mom's with banging ass bodies.

Like. How?

<:(

I just saw a picture of a mom w/two kids in a bikini+it literally made me pout+a dusty ass tear came out of my right eyeball.

I haven't worn a swimsuit in about 15 years. Mostly cus of body insecurities. I want to wear a bikini some day. I wanna look more like Princess Leia+less like Jabba The Hut.

There's not really a resolution here. Just pouting+a funny picture, really. Also, maybe a plea for reader-funded plastic surgery.

bubble.

Sometimes the bubble pops+you're like 'whaaaaaaa?'

mumford+sons.

Got to see one of my favorite bands with two of my favorite people.

Mumford+Sons blew my mind.

I was truly moved by the sounds, sites+my people.